My husband wants me to pay a 'cancellation fee' for backing out of dinner with his friends.
By @karamaybe · Relationships
He and his friends have a new system where if you cancel plans within 24 hours, you have to Venmo the group $20 for 'wasting their time.' I think it's ridiculous and I'm not paying it, but he's insisting I have to.
The full story
My husband has a very tight-knit group of friends from college, which is great. About a month ago, they all decided to implement this new rule because one of them is a chronic flake. The rule is: if you commit to plans (dinner, drinks, etc.) and cancel within 24 hours of the event, you owe the group a $20 'cancellation fee' via Venmo. The money goes into a pot that they use for a group activity later. I've never been a part of this agreement, and I've told my husband I think it's a bit much, but it's their friend group, so whatever. The issue is, last week he asked if I wanted to join him and three of his friends for dinner this coming Friday. I said yes, assuming it was a casual thing. He put it on our shared calendar. This morning, I got a reminder that I have a mandatory evening training for work on that same Friday. It was rescheduled by my company and I have no control over it. I immediately told my husband I couldn't make dinner anymore. He was understanding at first, but then a few hours later, he said his friends were asking when I was going to send the $20 cancellation fee. I laughed, thinking he was joking. He was not. they said since he RSVP'd for me, I was part of the 'social contract' and owed the fee. He argued that it's the principle of the thing and that the reservation was for a specific number of people. I told him that's absurd. I'm not part of their friend group's weird pact, I had a legitimate work conflict, and I'm not sending a 'fine' for something I can't control. He's arguing that if I don't pay, HE will have to pay for me to 'keep the peace,' and that it makes him look bad. Now we're at a standstill. I feel like this is a completely unreasonable request, but he sees it as me disrespecting his friends and their (in my opinion, bizarre) system.
How people voted
- Totally Cooked — 28% (13 votes)
- It’s Complicated — 38% (18 votes)
- You’re Fine — 34% (16 votes)
Readers are split: “It’s Complicated” leads with 38% — 47 votes and 5 comments so far.
What people are saying
@ren — Soft.
@danikay — bruh
@fayey — The fact that he would even ASK you is insane. I'd make him pay me $20 for the audacity.
@maybeitsme — I feel like maybe you've cancelled on his friends before and this is their passive aggressive way of dealing with it?
@remylol — pay it in pennies delivered by your husband
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