My girlfriend and I spent two years creating a fake person for my parents.
By @benlately · Relationships
It started as a joke, but now my parents want to meet my "roommate" who doesn't exist. My girlfriend thinks we should just come clean, but I think we need a more strategic solution.
The full story
When I first moved into my own apartment about two years ago, my parents were constantly asking if I was lonely and suggesting I get a roommate. I value my space, so I kept saying no. One night, my girlfriend and I were joking around and came up with a fake roommate to get them off my back. We named him "Todd." At first, it was just small things. If my mom called and asked what I was doing, I'd say "Oh, Todd and I are just watching the game." It worked. They stopped bothering me about being alone. But then the questions started getting more specific. What does Todd do for work? (He's a freelance graphic designer, focuses on craft brewery branding). Where is he from? (Portland, obviously). What are his hobbies? (Rock climbing and home-brewing sour beers). We built a whole life for him. My girlfriend was the creative director for Todd. She'd find pictures of rock climbing walls on instagram and say "Todd just sent this from the gym!" or see a weird craft beer and say "we should tell them this is Todd's latest brew." It became a running gag for us. The problem is, it was never a gag for my parents. They're fully invested in Todd's existence. Last week was the breaking point. My parents are planning to visit in a few months, and my mom said, "We are so excited to finally meet Todd! He sounds like such a wonderful young man." My girlfriend and I just stared at each other in panic. Her immediate reaction was that we have to confess. She thinks we should just rip the band-aid off, explain it was a stupid joke that spiraled, and deal with the fallout. She is worried that the longer we wait, the worse it will get. I see her point, but I disagree with the method. My solution is to have Todd "move out." I think we should spend the next two months creating a narrative where Todd gets a huge job offer in another state—maybe a major brewery in Colorado or something. We can stage a little going-away party (just the two of us), and I can tell my parents he moved out last month. This avoids the awkward confession and lets everyone save face. My girlfriend says this is just adding more lies on top of lies and that we need to stop the simulation. I think it's a practical exit strategy. We need to decide how to proceed before they book plane tickets.
How people voted
- Totally Cooked — 44% (7 votes)
- It’s Complicated — 6% (1 vote)
- You’re Fine — 50% (8 votes)
Readers are split: “You’re Fine” leads with 50% — 16 votes and 5 comments so far.
What people are saying
@nellieok — The problem isn't the lie, it's that your girlfriend is the one who has to do all the work to maintain it.
@nicotbh — My brother told my grandma he was pre-med for three years. He was an art major. She found out at his graduation. Your situation is way less messy, trust me.
@gabeish — The Todd Simulation must be protected at all costs.
@violetee — A man who can't handle a simple conversation with his own parents is a boy, not a man.
@daniwelp — hire an actor to be todd this is not that hard
Keep reading
- I made a full-blown PowerPoint presentation to prove my point in an argument with my girlfriend.
- I will never understand straight men's obsession with ranking women.
- I have a recurring calendar event to remind me to run my dishwasher.
- I lied to my boyfriend about our apartment being haunted to get out of our lease.
- I accidentally found my boyfriend's extremely detailed spreadsheet ranking me and all his ex-girlfriends.