I need a logical solution for a recurring and very awkward dinner party problem.

By @tess · Food

My friends and I have a monthly dinner club, and one member consistently brings inedible food. It's my turn to host, and she's planning to cook the main course using expensive ingredients I have to buy.

The full story

For about three years, my wife and I have been part of a dinner club with four other couples. We take turns hosting once a month. It's usually a great time, but there's a persistent issue: the wife of one of my friends is, to put it bluntly, a terrible cook. And not in a normal 'oh this is a bit salty' way, but in a fundamentally baffling way. She's incredibly sweet and enthusiastic, and she always insists on bringing a complex, experimental dish she's 'been working on'. We've had a 'deconstructed shepherd's pie' which was a mound of cold, lumpy mashed potatoes next to a pile of literally raw ground beef. We've had a risotto that had the texture of wallpaper paste. Her salads often feature dressings that defy explanation (I think one involved ketchup and pickle juice). The social ritual is always the same. She proudly presents her dish, everyone takes a small 'courtesy scoop', we move it around our plates for a while, and then people try to discreetly scrape it into the trash when they think no one is looking. We all say things like 'Wow, so creative!' because no one wants to be the one to break her heart. She genuinely thinks she's a culinary artist. Here is the problem: we're hosting this month. Our kitchen and dining area is an open floor plan, and our main trash can is right near the island. There will be no way for people to hide that they're throwing her food away. To make matters worse, she has already announced she'll be making a 'traditional Spanish paella' and has sent me a list of ingredients to procure. It includes saffron, jumbo prawns, clams, and specific chorizo, totaling over $80. I am being asked to spend a substantial amount of money on what I know will be an inedible main course for ten people. I need a practical path forward that minimizes social damage and financial waste. Should I talk to her husband? Should I, as host, assign her a simpler dish like 'drinks' or 'bread'? Or do I just buy the ingredients and endure the inevitable, awkward train wreck?

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