My mother-in-law has a habit of 'just stopping by' and it's driving me insane.
By @willakinda · Family
She lives 45 minutes away but is always 'in the neighborhood' and shows up unannounced with some lame excuse. My husband thinks I'm being rude for wanting her to simply text us first.
The full story
My husband and I have been married for three years, and his mom is a nice lady, but she has this thing where she just 'pops in.' It's not a quick swing by. She lives a good 45 minutes away, so it's a planned trip on her end. But never on ours. She's always just 'in the neighborhood' for some reason, which I know is a lie. The excuse is always that she has to drop something off. A newspaper she thought we'd like. A Tupperware she forgot last time. Half a bag of cookies from a party. It's never anything remotely urgent. Last weekend was the final straw for me. It was Saturday morning and I was deep cleaning the house. I looked like a mess—hair tied up, old paint-stained sweatpants, music blasting, bathroom cleaning supplies all over the hallway. The doorbell rings. I figure it's a package, so I open it. It's her. She just smiles and waltzes right in past me. The house was a disaster and I was so embarrassed and just plain annoyed. She stayed for two hours, making small talk and pointing out dust I'd missed while I'm just standing there covered in grime. This isn't a one-time thing. A few weeks ago, my husband and I were finally having a quiet evening to ourselves after a long week. We were on the couch, things were getting a little romantic, and boom. Doorbell. It was her again, this time with discounted zucchini she got at the farmer's market. It just killed the entire mood. I've told my husband over and over that this bothers me. I'm happy to see her, I just want a text message. A ten-second heads-up like 'hey, planning to stop by in an hour, is that okay?' He sees absolutely no issue with her behavior. they says 'she's family,' 'that's just how she is,' and that 'I'm being too sensitive.' He thinks asking her to text first is like telling her she's not welcome. I feel like I can't relax in my own home. Every time the doorbell rings I get a pit in my stomach. I’m ready to just say it to her face, kindly but firmly. He thinks I'll start a family war and that I should just learn to live with it. I don't think I should have to.
How people voted
- OP Is Right — 24% (12 votes)
- Both Messy — 45% (22 votes)
- OP Is Wrong — 31% (15 votes)
Readers say “Both Messy” (45%) — 49 votes and 5 comments so far.
What people are saying
@judefr — Your husband is 100% in the right. That's his mom.
@zaneish — Sounds like she's lonely and just wants to see her family. You could be a little more welcoming.
@willaok — The problem isn't your mother-in-law, it's your husband not having your back. He should be the one setting this boundary with his own mom.
@codyliterally — Have you tried not answering the door?
@coleactually — The 'just in the neighborhood' line when she lives 45 minutes away is a classic. My MIL does the same thing.
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