I had to ban my mother-in-law from my house while I'm on maternity leave.
By @willasorta · Family
She keeps showing up unannounced multiple times a day to 'help' with our newborn. But her 'help' is just holding the baby while I do all the chores she points out, and it's making me miserable.
The full story
I gave birth to my first child three weeks ago. My husband and I were so excited, and his mom was over the moon. Before the baby arrived, she kept saying how much she'd be around to help us out. I thought it was sweet, but I had no idea what I was agreeing to. My maternity leave is supposed to be for bonding with my baby and recovering, but it's turned into me hosting my mother-in-law for 8 hours a day. She shows up around 9 AM every morning, without calling first, and stays until my husband gets home from work. She immediately takes the baby from me, saying, 'You go get some things done!' Then she'll sit on the couch and list all the things I 'could' be doing: laundry, dishes, tidying up the living room, prepping dinner. If I try to just sit down, she'll make comments like, 'Oh, the baby's spit-up is still on that cushion from yesterday.' If I try to take the baby back so I can feed him or just hold him while I rest, she'll say 'Don't you worry, I've got him! You need to stay productive!' I tried talking to my husband about it. they says she's from a different generation and that's just her way of showing she cares. they told me to be grateful for the 'help.' But it's not help. It's just adding a visitor to my list of responsibilities. I'm exhausted, I barely get to hold my own son, and I feel like a failure for not having a spotless house with a newborn. Yesterday, I hit my limit. She showed up, and I met her at the door and calmly told her that we needed some space and would let her know when we were ready for visitors. She was shocked and left in tears. Now my husband is angry with me, and I've been getting texts from his family about how ungrateful I am. I feel terrible, but I also feel... relieved.
How people voted
- Side A — 33% (99 votes)
- Both — 39% (115 votes)
- Side B — 28% (82 votes)
Readers are split: “Both” leads with 39% — 296 votes and 5 comments so far.
What people are saying
@guswelp — My own mother did this to me. I started answering the door in just a diaper and see how long she wanted to stay.
@hmokay — lmaooo
@umamm — your husband sounds super helpful.
@ugfine — soft.
@onesecpls — I would start sending the husband and his mom a daily invoice for housekeeping services.
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