My fantasy league's commissioner is trying to run our dinner bills like the NFL salary cap.
By @karakindof · Friends
Every time we go out to watch a game, he uses an app to itemize every single shared appetizer or stray french fry. they says he's just enforcing 'fair value' but it's starting to kill the whole vibe.
The full story
Our fantasy league has been going for about a decade, and a core group of us go out to watch games pretty much every week. The trash talk is elite, the rivalries are real, it's the best. But recently, our league commissioner has brought his spreadsheet brain to the dinner table, and it's getting out of hand. He insists on using bill-splitting apps, which is fine, but he takes it to a whole new level. He'll sit there for ten minutes after the meal, cross-referencing the receipt with his mental log of who ate what. Last week, he sent me a request for $1.75 for the 'three mozzarella sticks' I ate from his appetizer. He doesn't see it as petty; he calls it 'maintaining the integrity of the transaction.' I'm of the mindset that we're a team, we're friends. Sometimes you'll cover an extra beer, sometimes I'll eat more of the nachos. It all evens out in the long run—it's like arguing about garbage time stats in a blowout. It doesn't matter. But he argues that some guys consistently order more expensive stuff and it's not fair to the 'role players' on a budget. A couple of the other guys are starting to side with him, saying it's the only fair way. Now there's a weird tension every time the check comes. Has he found a fair solution or is he just being a ridiculous tyrant?
How people voted
- Valid Take — 31% (45 votes)
- I’m Torn — 40% (57 votes)
- Bad Take — 29% (41 votes)
Readers are split: “I’m Torn” leads with 40% — 143 votes and 5 comments so far.
What people are saying
@brbthinking — Sounds like a great way to make sure no one ever wants to hang out again.
@mehhh — A real group of friends just puts one card down and venmos the total divided by how many people were there.
@kim — I'd start bringing a food scale to the restaurant and weigh every one of his bites.
@jettlately — nah this is hilarious get this man a bigger spreadsheet
@jacobsorta — lmao
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