My classmate narrates her every thought and it’s making me question my own intelligence.
By @umasorta · School
I'm a grad student and I share a tiny office with one other person in my program. She isn’t mean, but she processes every single idea out loud, and I'm starting to think I'm not cut out for academia if I can't work like that.
The full story
I'm in my second year of a Master's program and I work as a TA. As part of the gig, I get a desk in a shared office, which I was initially excited about. The problem is the person I share it with. We'll call her 'Kate'. Kate is perfectly nice, but she has a working style that is grinding me down. She thinks out loud. Not just occasionally, but constantly. From the moment she sits down, it's a running monologue of her academic process. "Okay, so I have to grade these undergrad papers... let's see what the prompt was again. Hmmm. This first one is already missing the thesis. Classic." or "Right, I'm reading this chapter on post-colonial theory... I wonder if I can connect this back to last week's reading. Let's find that quote... no, not that one... ah, here it is." It's a non-stop stream of consciousness. I am the opposite. I need total silence to be able to read dense theory or grade papers fairly. My thought process is entirely internal. Before this, I never thought anything of it. But listening to her all day has planted this seed of doubt in my mind. She sounds so engaged and smart, like her brain is just firing on all cylinders. Meanwhile, I'm just sitting there, silently reading a sentence four times to understand it. It makes me feel slow and stupid, like I'm not performing intelligence the 'right' way. I've tried the obvious things. I wear headphones. But our office is small, so I can still hear her murmuring, and she also has a habit of tapping my shoulder to ask me a 'quick question' which is really just an invitation for me to become a sounding board for her monologue. It's impossible to get into a state of deep focus. I don't know what to do. It feels incredibly petty to ask someone to... think more quietly? I can't imagine how to phrase that without sounding like a total jerk. But it's genuinely affecting my work and, worse, my confidence. Am I just being overly sensitive, or is it fair to ask for a quieter shared space?
How people voted
- Totally Cooked — 38% (9 votes)
- It’s Complicated — 42% (10 votes)
- You’re Fine — 21% (5 votes)
Readers are split: “It’s Complicated” leads with 42% — 24 votes and 5 comments so far.
What people are saying
@judefr — bruh
@ineslol — There's no 'right' way to be smart! Some people are just verbal processors. Don't let it get in your head.
@ash — You should start narrating your internal monologue back at her but make it about completely unhinged topics.
@quinnmaybe — My office mate chews with her mouth open and I swear I can hear the sound of her lunch digesting. I'd take the monologue.
@finnkindof — Is it possible you're just procrastinating and using her as an excuse?
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