I thought my girlfriend’s family was just quirky, but now they want a $10,000 'commitment pledge'.
By @danakay · Dating
We've been together four years and I was about to propose. Then her dad pulled me aside and told me that to marry into the family, I have to give them $10k for the 'family trust'. My girlfriend says it's a normal tradition.
The full story
When I first met my girlfriend’s family, I loved them. They were funny, loud, and super close-knit. They had their quirks, for sure. Like, they all wear green on Thursdays (no reason given) and they have this weird humming thing they do before every meal. I thought it was charming, a sign of a unique family culture. We’ve been together for four years and I've been saving up for a ring. I was ready. I felt like I was already part of the family. So when her parents invited me over for a 'formal family dinner' last week, I figured this was it—maybe they were going to give me their blessing or something. After dinner, her dad asks to speak with me in his study. He sits me down, pours two glasses of something expensive, and starts telling me how much they all like me. Then he gets this very serious look on his face. He explains that there’s one final step before I can propose. He called it the 'Family Commitment Pledge'. I thought he was joking. He was not. For three generations, anyone who wants to marry into the family has to contribute $10,000 to the 'family trust,' which he and his brother manage. they said it’s a sign of good faith and proves I'm serious about 'investing in the family's future, not just my girlfriend's.' My blood went cold. I looked at him, waiting for the punchline, but it never came. Later, when I talked to my girlfriend about it, she was almost casual. they said 'Oh yeah, I was going to tell you about that.' She admitted she knew about it the whole time and didn't see the big deal. they says her sister's husband did it and it was fine. Now she's hurt that I'm calling it 'insane' and a 'cult-like dowry'. I feel like I'm in some kind of movie. I love her, but this is a red flag the size of a planet.
How people voted
- OP Is Right — 24% (16 votes)
- Both Messy — 43% (29 votes)
- OP Is Wrong — 33% (22 votes)
Readers are split: “Both Messy” leads with 43% — 67 votes and 5 comments so far.
What people are saying
@avahm — Something tells me there's more to this story about the 'family trust' that we aren't hearing.
@kayla — My wife's family made me compete in a chili cook-off against her uncle to 'prove my worth'. I came in dead last and they still bring it up at every holiday.
@quinnkindof — What does your girlfriend's sister's husband say about it?
@ughme — A man is supposed to provide for his new family, not pay an entrance fee to join it.
@nathanok — It's a test. Pass it.
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