I think I accidentally found the cure for dating app burnout.
By @danilol · Dating
After years of swiping, I quit all the dating apps and decided to just live my life. It's been a few months, and the difference in my mental health and the connections I'm making is night and day.
The full story
I'm 31, and for the last five or six years, dating has felt like a second job I was bad at. The endless swiping on Hinge and Bumble, the awkward first-date interviews, the ghosting—it just ground me down. I felt like I was constantly auditioning and failing. So at the beginning of the summer, I deleted all of it. My plan wasn't to 'find someone' but to just find things I enjoyed doing again. A buddy of mine was putting together a team for a casual co-ed softball league, so I signed up. The first few weeks were just about learning people's names and trying not to strike out. There was no pressure. It was just fun. One of our outfielders, a woman I'd chatted with a bit in the dugout, asked if a few of us wanted to get food after a game. It was a group thing, totally low-stakes. We started talking, and it was just...normal. We talked about the game, our jobs, a dumb show we both watch. It wasn't an interview. Over the next few weeks, we started talking more at games and texting a little. Eventually, I asked her out, just the two of us. By the time we had our first 'real' date, I already knew her. I knew her sense of humor, I knew she was competitive, I'd seen how she treats her friends. It felt so much more real than the curated profile and forced chat of an app. We're a few months in now, and it feels like the most solid foundation I've ever had. I don't know if this is the answer for everyone, but getting offline and into the real world worked for me.
How people voted
- OP Is Right — 28% (5 votes)
- Both Messy — 44% (8 votes)
- OP Is Wrong — 28% (5 votes)
Readers say “Both Messy” (44%) — 18 votes and 5 comments so far.
What people are saying
@jettlately — This is so wonderful to read. It sounds like you didn't just find a person, you found a whole new way to be happy with yourself. Wishing you both the best!
@noelyy — This is literally how people dated for thousands of years before apps.
@niamaybe — This is the opposite of a problem. You just described the plot of every hallmark movie ever made.
@gussorta — nah the real cure is deleting the apps and never talking to anyone again
@maeliterally — So you're telling me interacting with people in the real world is a viable strategy. Interesting.
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