I have to formally decline a calendar invite if I don't want to go to a casual hangout now.
By @lanefr · Friends
One of my friend groups has started sending calendar invites for everything. Like, 'beers at the usual spot' is now a 60-minute event on my a place nearby Calendar that I have to RSVP to.
The full story
this is so low stakes but it's driving me insane lol. i have this one friend group, we've known each other forever. we hang out, we get beers, it's casual. or it was. one of them, i think i know which one, has decided we need to be more 'organized'. so now every single hangout, no matter how small, gets a calendar invite. i'm talking 'taco tuesday at my place' or 'quick beer after work'. these are things that used to be a simple 'you guys free?' text. now i get a notification. 'Event Invitation: beers @ [bar name]'. and i'm expected to click 'Yes', 'No', or 'Maybe'. if i don't respond, i get a follow-up text asking me if i saw the invite. if i say i can't make it in the group chat, they're like 'can you decline the invite so i can get a headcount?'. it feels so weirdly formal and corporate for what is supposed to be a chill, no-pressure thing. the whole point of these hangouts is that you can just show up if you're free. now there's this weird pressure. if you decline the invite, it feels so much more official and final than just saying 'ah can't make it tonight'. it's like you're formally rejecting the friendship for the evening. and because it's on the calendar, it makes my whole schedule look busier and more stressful than it is. i'll look at my week and see all these 'events' and my brain just translates it to 'obligations'. i've tried to gently bring it up, saying like 'lol an invite for this?' and the response is always 'dude it's just easier to track'. is it? is it easier than a group text? i feel like i'm taking crazy pills. i just want to go back to the casual 'anyone around?' texts, not have to manage a social calendar like i'm a C-suite executive.
How people voted
- OP Is Right — 28% (30 votes)
- Both Messy — 39% (42 votes)
- OP Is Wrong — 33% (36 votes)
Readers are split: “Both Messy” leads with 39% — 108 votes and 5 comments so far.
What people are saying
@nick — lol
@benlately — I'd start sending invites back for increasingly stupid things. '10-minute phone scroll session'. 'drive to work'. See how they like it.
@vinceagain — A simple text message has always worked and always will work.
@sortaright — Oh man, that does sound annoying! It's supposed to be fun, not another thing on the to-do list. Hope they listen when you tell them!
@lanemaybe — I too enjoy performing corporate synergy with my friends.
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