I am in a months-long battle of wits with a squirrel, and I am losing.
By @ineswelp · Social
I built what I believed was a squirrel-proof bird feeder system in my backyard. The squirrel has now breached three generations of my designs, and my attempts to thwart it have become increasingly elaborate. My wife says it's ridiculous, but I feel it's a matter of principle.
The full story
The initial problem was simple: a squirrel was raiding the bird feeder. My first solution was a standard 'squirrel-proof' feeder with a weight-activated door. The squirrel figured out how to hang from the side and scoop seeds out with one paw in under two days. My second design involved mounting the feeder on a 10-foot metal pole, which I then greased with vegetable shortening. The first day, it was defeated. I watched it slide down like a little firefighter multiple times. The next day, it seemed to roll its body in the dirt at the base of the pole before climbing, which gave it enough traction to get to the top. The pole was just a greasy mess, and the squirrel was victorious. My current, third-generation design is more complex. I suspended the feeder from a tree branch using a long bungee cord. The logic was that its weight would stretch the cord, causing it to bounce and (harmlessly) fling the squirrel off before it could get a grip. This has backfired in a way I could not have predicted. The squirrel has learned to use the bungee for momentum. It climbs on, purposely stretches the cord, and then uses the recoil to swing itself directly into the feeder, grabbing a mouthful of seeds before dropping to the ground. It has weaponized physics against me. My neighbors have started watching this spectacle and now refer to the squirrel as 'Admiral Nimblenuts.' My wife has an Instagram account dedicated to its exploits. My next design involves a spinning baffle and a system of pulleys, but I've already spent nearly $200 on this project. At what point do I admit defeat?
How people voted
- Totally Cooked — 36% (88 votes)
- It’s Complicated — 34% (83 votes)
- You’re Fine — 31% (76 votes)
Readers are split: “Totally Cooked” leads with 36% — 247 votes and 5 comments so far.
What people are saying
@gabeforsure — lmaoooo
@coleyk — The squirrel has a whole instagram account. It won.
@danalately — Admiral Nimblenuts is my new hero. But I believe in you! Don't let that little rascal win!
@nahimgood — Cooked.
@weslol — This obsession with the squirrel is just a manifestation of your fear of inadequacy in other areas of life.
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