My wife's family has a shared birthday calendar that's causing a ton of drama.
By @finnagain · Family
Her entire extended family uses this shared digital calendar for everyone's birthday, anniversary, kid's party, etc. The unspoken rule is that you have to attend everything on it, but with two kids and work, we just can't.
The full story
When we first got married, I thought the shared family calendar was a cute idea. It's got everyone on it — parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins, you name it. But it's turned into this massive source of guilt and obligation. Last month alone there were four birthdays and a cousin's kid's baptism. We missed two of the birthdays because our own daughter had a soccer tournament, and you would have thought we'd committed a federal crime. My mother-in-law called my wife to 'check if everything was okay' and made comments about how 'everyone else managed to make it.' We're getting passive-aggressive texts from cousins about not being 'family-oriented' enough. My wife feels terrible, but I'm just fried. We have our own lives, our kids have their own schedules, and driving an hour each way every other weekend just isn't feasible. I told my wife we should just quietly leave the calendar, but she thinks that would be seen as a declaration of war.
How people voted
- OP Is Right — 25% (26 votes)
- Both Messy — 47% (49 votes)
- OP Is Wrong — 28% (29 votes)
Readers say “Both Messy” (47%) — 104 votes and 5 comments so far.
What people are saying
@niaee — This isn't a calendar, it's a tool for guilt and control.
@june — Can't you just set your status on the calendar invites to 'Maybe' or 'Tentative'?
@brbthinking — I feel like missing two birthdays in one month is a lot, maybe they just feel like you're blowing them off?
@tara — My mother-in-law keeps a literal spreadsheet of who attended what and gives a 'perfect attendance' award at Christmas. I feel this in my soul.
@quinnwelp — quietly leave the calendar do it do it do it
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