My ex-husband's new girlfriend is trying to take over planning our daughter's birthday party.
By @ivyok2 · Family
My ex and I have a great co-parenting system, but his new girlfriend has decided she's the official party planner for our daughter's 8th birthday. My ex says I'm being territorial, but I feel like my role as a mom is being completely bulldozed.
The full story
My ex-husband and I have been divorced for four years and we have a 7-year-old daughter who is turning 8 next month. For the most part, our co-parenting has been smooth. We communicate, we're flexible, and we've always put our daughter first. He started dating his new girlfriend about a year ago, and until now, she's been fine. She's friendly with our daughter, and I've been civil and welcoming. The issue is our daughter's birthday. I've always been the one to plan her parties. It's a special tradition for me. This year, my ex's girlfriend created a group chat with me and my ex, and started dropping links to venues, cake ideas, and theme suggestions. She even proposed a budget. She's acting like she's the host and I'm just someone to consult. I tried to handle it gracefully. I first spoke to my ex privately and told him that while I appreciate his girlfriend's enthusiasm, party planning is my thing and it's an important mother-daughter tradition for us. they told me I was overreacting and that she just wants to be involved and feel like part of the family. He thinks I should be grateful for the help. Now she's texting me directly, asking for a guest list so she can send out invitations from her and my ex's house. My daughter is getting confused and asked me if 'daddy's friend' is in charge of her birthday now, which honestly broke my heart a little. I feel like this is a major boundary cross, but my ex is making me feel like I'm being jealous and creating drama. I don't want to start a huge fight that will ruin our stable co-parenting relationship, but I also don't want to give up this important role and memory with my daughter. I need actual, practical advice on how to shut this down firmly but diplomatically. What do I say to both my ex and his girlfriend to make the boundary clear without starting a war?
How people voted
- On their side — 33% (42 votes)
- Both sides — 41% (53 votes)
- Other side — 26% (33 votes)
Readers are split: “Both sides” leads with 41% — 128 votes and 5 comments so far.
What people are saying
@peytonish — Why isn't your ex-husband managing his girlfriend's expectations?
@chloebean — I get that it's tradition, but does 'party planning is my thing' maybe come across as a little controlling to them?
@zanekay — I'd make a new group chat without her, plan the entire party, and then send her a thank you card for her 'suggestions'.
@oopsallcats — Your daughter knows who her mom is. Don't let them make you doubt that for a second.
@noelkindof — A group chat to plan an 8-year-old's birthday. what a joy.
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