My dad is still holding a grudge against my imaginary friend from when I was 6.
By @noelyk · Family
This isn't just a running gag, he brings it up in completely serious moments. My mom thinks it's hilarious and enables him, but I'm 28 years old and it's starting to get genuinely weird.
The full story
Okay, so when I was a kid, I had an imaginary friend. Standard stuff. Except one time, I broke my dad's super-expensive, built-it-himself model of a WWII battleship. It was his pride and joy. When he asked who did it, I, a genius 6-year-old, blamed Barnaby. My dad, instead of just knowing I was lying, looked me dead in the eye and said, "Barnaby is a menace to this household." I thought that was the end of it. It was not. For over two decades, my father has cultivated a deep-seated, entirely serious-seeming hatred for Barnaby. It was funny in high school. It was quirky in college. I'm now 28, I have a mortgage, and last week my dad brought him up during a discussion about my 401k. "You need to be aggressive with your investments to make up for the financial damages Barnaby inflicted on this family." they said this with a straight face. My girlfriend of two years came to Christmas for the first time last year. My dad, during the toast, raised his glass and said "To family, and to new friends. And to absent enemies... may Barnaby get what's coming to him." My girlfriend looked at me like I was from another planet. My mom just laughed and patted my dad's arm. She's his biggest enabler. She'll sometimes add fuel to the fire, like, "Oh honey, remember when Barnaby 'hid' your car keys?" (I lost my own car keys). I've tried talking to him about it. I sat him down and said, "Dad, you know Barnaby wasn't real, right? The bit has run its course." He just stared at me, stone-faced, and said "A lie doesn't become the truth just because the guilty party says so. Barnaby has never shown any remorse. Until he pays for that ship, the grudge stands." It's so absurd I don't even know how to argue with it. Part of me thinks it's the most elaborate, long-form dad joke in history, but another part of me is worried he's genuinely lost the plot. Am I supposed to just live with this forever?
How people voted
- OP Is Right — 39% (43 votes)
- Both Messy — 33% (36 votes)
- OP Is Wrong — 28% (31 votes)
Readers are split: “OP Is Right” leads with 39% — 110 votes and 5 comments so far.
What people are saying
@hankyy — Your dad is using this as a bizarre anchor for his sense of humor and family identity; you're just a side character in his joke now.
@lanetbh — Legendary dad behavior.
@nopenope — you need to hire an actor to show up as Barnaby and make a formal apology. it's the only way.
@sagetbh — This stopped being funny a long, long time ago. I don't blame you for being creeped out.
@nicokay — I feel like you're underestimating your dad's commitment to the bit and you're the only one not having fun with it.
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