I think I accidentally started a huge family war over my son's college applications.

By @ashkk · Family

I'm a teacher and my husband is an engineer. Our son wants to follow in my footsteps and go into teaching, and my husband is having a complete meltdown about it, even offering to pay for his entire college education if he majors in engineering instead.

The full story

I'm a high school English teacher, and I love my job. My husband is a software engineer with a very different view of the world. Our oldest son is a senior this year, so it's been all about college applications and future plans. We always knew he was a smart kid, great grades, great test scores, the works. My husband was so proud, talking about him going to his alma mater for engineering, bragging to all his colleagues. Well, our son sat us down last week and told us his final decision. He wants to be a teacher, just like me. He gave this beautiful, heartfelt speech about wanting to make a difference and how my career inspired him. I was, and still am, bursting with pride. I was sobbing, I was so happy for him for finding his passion. My husband's reaction was... not that. He was quiet at first, but then he just exploded. He started going on about how our son is 'wasting his potential' and throwing his life away on a 'low-paying, thankless job.' He said teaching is what you do when you can't do anything else. It was so insulting, not just to our son, but to me and my entire career. He then made this grand pronouncement: if our son agrees to major in engineering, he will pay for his entire tuition and living expenses, no loans needed. But if he chooses education, he's 'on his own.' It's turned into a massive fight. My son is crushed, feeling like his dad's love is conditional. I'm furious because my husband basically called my life's work worthless. My husband's parents (also engineers) are siding with him, and my parents are defending me and my son. It's an absolute mess. He thinks he's saving our son from a life of financial struggle, but he's just alienating him and making me feel like my entire life has been a disappointment to him. I don't know how we move past this.

How people voted

OP Is Right — 35% (11 votes)
Both Messy — 45% (14 votes)
OP Is Wrong — 19% (6 votes)

Readers are split: “Both Messy” leads with 45% — 31 votes and 5 comments so far.

What people are saying

@nathanok — this is so messy i love it
@notreallybut — I'd start leaving job satisfaction surveys for teachers vs. engineers on his pillow. Let the data speak for itself.
@welpsame — My dad did the same thing when I wanted to be a graphic designer instead of a dentist. We didn't talk for almost a year.
@ohwowok — Did your husband really think his son had zero interest in your career after living with you for 18 years?
@finnfr — L dad.

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