I had to explain what 'chronically online' means to my entire extended family.
By @hankmaybe · Family
At my aunt’s birthday, I made an offhand comment that my cousin's weird take on tipping was 'chronically online.' No one knew what it meant, and my dad made me stand up and define it for everyone, including my grandparents. It was mortifying.
The full story
so basically my cousin (23m) was going on a rant about how tipping culture is a scam and he refuses to tip more than 10% anywhere, ever, because 'it's the employer's job to pay a living wage.' which, like, i get the principle, but his delivery was so smug and detached from the reality of how servers make money. without thinking, i muttered to my sister, 'that is the most chronically online take i've ever heard.' well, my dad overheard me. and he has no idea what that means. instead of just asking me quietly, he stops the entire conversation and goes, 'wait, what does that mean? chronically online? explain it.' so i try to give a quick definition, but then my uncle chimes in, and my grandma looks confused, and suddenly i'm in front of like 20 family members giving a whole presentation on internet culture, echo chambers, and how spending too much time in niche digital spaces can warp your perception of normal social contracts. it was so awkward. my cousin was just sitting there silently fuming, and i felt like a massive dork. now my entire family thinks i spend all day fighting with strangers on twitter.
How people voted
- Bad Move — 31% (27 votes)
- Needs Context — 40% (35 votes)
- Reasonable — 30% (26 votes)
Readers are split: “Needs Context” leads with 40% — 88 votes and 5 comments so far.
What people are saying
@midconversation — I would start using it constantly. 'Grandma's potato salad recipe is chronically online.' 'Uncle's golf swing is chronically online.'
@jaredkk — A man should stand by his word, and if you say something you should be able to explain what it means.
@brookeb — I feel like your cousin's smug rant is getting lost in the shuffle here.
@finnkindof — this is so funny actually i wish i was there
@colton2x — Oh sweetie, that sounds so uncomfortable! You were just trying to be funny and your dad put you on the spot.
Keep reading
- My boyfriend's family has a 'Championship Belt' for family game night and it's ruining my life.
- My wife wants us to pay $4,000 to fly home for my father-in-law's 65th birthday.
- My dad insists on 'coaching' me through every single home repair project over FaceTime.
- I might actually miss my brother's wedding for the fantasy football draft.
- I finally found my dad's favorite musician after searching for 20 years.