I created a fake business to stop my family from asking me for favors.
By @karaee · Family
My family is full of people who start small businesses. They're always asking me for 'a quick logo' or 'just a little website help' for free because I'm a graphic designer. It got so out of hand I invented a completely fake, very demanding freelance client to get them off my back.
The full story
I'm a graphic designer, and I like my job. But my extended family has this intense entrepreneurial bug. It feels like every month a new cousin or uncle is starting a multi-level marketing scheme, a bespoke dog-walking service, or a homemade candle business. And every single time, they come to me for free work. It's never 'Can I hire you?' It's always 'Could you just whip up a quick logo?' or 'I just need a simple landing page, it'll take you an hour!'. It never takes an hour. It becomes weeks of revisions and late-night texts with new ideas. They're family, so it's awkward to say no, and even more awkward to demand payment. I tried saying I was too busy with my real job, but they'd just say 'Oh, come on, it's just a little thing.' So, I invented a client. A completely fictional, high-maintenance, and very demanding client. I call him 'Bartholomew'. I created a fake email address for him. I even made a logo for his fake company—a ridiculous, overly complex crest for a business that supposedly imports artisanal, small-batch birdseed. His brand colors are chartreuse and magenta. Now when my cousin asks for a logo for her new essential oils side-hustle, I can sigh and say, 'I'd love to, but Bartholomew just moved up the deadline on the quarterly birdseed brochure. He's a real stickler.' I've described his absurdly specific feedback ('He says the font isn't whimsical enough for the finch blend') in such detail that I think my family is more invested in Bartholomew's business than their own. My mom even asked me the other day if Bartholomew was happy with the new packaging proofs. I think I've gone too far. Do I have to keep this up forever?
How people voted
- OP Is Right — 29% (13 votes)
- Both Messy — 42% (19 votes)
- OP Is Wrong — 29% (13 votes)
Readers say “Both Messy” (42%) — 45 votes and 5 comments so far.
What people are saying
@jaredactually — soft.
@caleblol — you have to make bartholomew a website now
@benish — You're nicer than me. I would've just started sending them invoices!
@tate — I am also a graphic designer and I am stealing this.
@gabeok — My brother is a mechanic and my dad still makes him change his oil for a 6 pack of beer lol.
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