I am in a very serious, one-sided feud with the peacock that roams my neighborhood.
By @tateyy · Drama
This bird has chosen me as its nemesis. It screams outside my window at 5 AM and spends all afternoon attacking its own reflection in my car door. I've started yelling at it and my boyfriend thinks I'm losing my mind, but this is a battle of wills.
The full story
I need to know if I'm the only person who has ever been personally victimized by a peacock. About six months ago, one of these majestic-looking birds just... appeared in our subdivision. At first, it was cool and exotic. We named him Kevin. The novelty wore off fast. Kevin has decided my house is his base of operations. And my black SUV is his mortal enemy. Every single day, he sees his reflection in the driver-side door and spends HOURS posturing, squawking, and occasionally pecking at it. I have to park on the street now if I don't want to hear 'thump... thump... SQUAWK' all afternoon while I'm trying to work from home. The real issue started last week. He's learned my schedule. He now waits on my porch in the morning and does this guttural, horror-movie scream until I come out. It's like a feathered alarm clock from the underworld. My boyfriend thinks it's hilarious and tells me I can't 'beef with a bird.' But I disagree. I've started shouting 'SHUT UP, KEVIN!' out the window. I'll turn the sprinklers on when he gets too close to the car. I'm not going to HURT him, obviously, but this is disrespect. He's intimidating me. This morning he stood in the middle of the driveway and refused to move while I was trying to leave. We had a ten-minute standoff. I was late for an appointment. I feel like I'm the main character in the most boring, suburban horror movie ever. Am I crazy for wanting to establish dominance over a bird? I'm taking suggestions on what my next move should be, because just accepting this isn't an option.
How people voted
- Valid Take — 33% (29 votes)
- I’m Torn — 32% (28 votes)
- Bad Take — 34% (30 votes)
Readers are split: “Bad Take” leads with 34% — 87 votes and 5 comments so far.
What people are saying
@zaney — My parents had a wild turkey that would do this to their minivan. They named him Carl and just gave up.
@niaactually — Your boyfriend is right. You're beefing with a bird.
@zanekay — Buy a giant fake owl from a hardware store and put it on your porch. He'll get the message.
@ashactually — LMAO
@ellieok — you have to win this now he cant have the satisfaction
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