At what point does declining an expensive destination wedding make you a bad relative?
By @brynnfr · Money
My niece is hosting a resort wedding that will cost us $3,500 to attend, so I bowed out and offered a nice gift instead. My brother says family finds a way to show up for major milestones, and now my wife wants to drain our travel reserves to avoid a family feud.
The full story
Back in my day, a wedding was an afternoon ceremony at the local church followed by sheet cake, punch, and maybe a modest reception hall. If people traveled, it was an hour drive down the interstate. Now, my niece is getting married next spring at a resort abroad, and the estimated cost for my wife and me to attend—between flights, four nights at the mandatory resort block, and excursions—is hovering around $3,500. We live comfortably on our pension, but $3,500 is essentially our entire travel budget for the year. I called my brother to gently let him know that we simply cannot justify spending that kind of money on a four-day weekend, but that we would happily send a generous registry gift and celebrate whenever they visited home. My brother got unexpectedly cold on the phone. they told me that family shows up for once-in-a-lifetime milestones no matter what, and that skipping my own niece's wedding sends a message that she isn't worth the expense. My wife is torn and thinks we should dip into our reserve fund just to keep the peace in the family, but I feel like expecting relatives to finance an extravagant vacation just to watch you exchange vows is asking too much.
How people voted
- OP Is Right — 38% (44 votes)
- Both Messy — 35% (41 votes)
- OP Is Wrong — 27% (32 votes)
Readers are split: “OP Is Right” leads with 38% — 117 votes and 5 comments so far.
What people are saying
@remyee — My brother did this exact same thing to me when his stepson got married in Cabo and we didn't speak for eight months until my 50th birthday party.
@lanekindof — You and your wife have worked hard for your retirement, do not feel guilty for protecting your nest egg! Send a sweet card and some cash, they will understand eventually.
@inesagain — Your brother is projecting his own financial insecurity onto you because he probably secretly regrets paying for this wedding himself.
@noelhm — lmaooo
@ivyyy — If having you there was truly a non-negotiable family milestone, why didn't your brother offer to cover part of the flights?
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