Someone in my office has declared war on me using only our Keurig machine.
By @paigemaybe · Work
A coworker I barely know keeps changing my preferred coffee setting right after I use it. At first I thought it was a coincidence, but now it feels like a targeted, passive-aggressive campaign and I'm honestly impressed by the pettiness.
The full story
I'm not a monster. I don't need much to be a productive member of society, but I do need one, specific, correctly-brewed cup of coffee in the morning. Our office has one of those fancy Keurig machines with a digital screen, and I have my preferred settings locked in: 10 ounce, strong brew. It's the first thing I do when I get to my desk. For the past two weeks, something strange has been happening. I'll make my coffee, go to a meeting, and when I come back for a second cup an hour later, the machine's settings will have been changed. Not just to the default, but to the most absurd, undrinkable setting imaginable: 4 ounce, light brew. It's basically hot, vaguely brown water. Who even drinks that? The first few times, I chalked it up to a weird coincidence. Someone must have a very different palate than I do. But then it kept happening. Every single day. I'd set it to 10-oz-strong, and within an hour, it would be back to 4-oz-weak. Yesterday, I decided to test my theory. I made my coffee, then lurked behind a large potted plant in the reception area to see who would follow me. Sure enough, not five minutes later, an accountant from the third floor—a guy I've only ever exchanged pleasantries with in the elevator—walked directly to the machine. He didn't make a coffee. He just pressed the screen a few times, a little smirk on his face, and walked away. I checked. 4-ounce weak brew. This is a declaration of war, right? A silent, petty, office war waged via caffeinated beverage preferences. He knows I know. I know he knows I know. I have no idea what I did to deserve this, but I refuse to be defeated. My next move is to go even more granular and start changing the default temperature by one degree every hour. We'll see who breaks first.
How people voted
- Bad Move — 25% (33 votes)
- Needs Context — 42% (55 votes)
- Reasonable — 33% (44 votes)
Readers are split: “Needs Context” leads with 42% — 132 votes and 5 comments so far.
What people are saying
@karayy — Find out his favorite snack from the vending machine and buy all of them. Every single day.
@maeliterally — Have you considered just asking him what his problem is?
@ahhfine — Soft.
@theo — yes this is war keep us updated
@ineswelp — You get paid to work, not to play games with the coffee maker.
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