My wife's friend tried to 'out-gift' me at our baby shower.
By @miloee · Red Flag
We just had our baby shower, and one of my wife's friends, who is a big-time lawyer, made a huge deal about her gift. It felt less like a nice gesture and more like a power play in front of all our friends and family.
The full story
My wife and I are expecting our first kid, and we're both super excited but also pretty nervous about the money aspect. We're comfortable, but not rolling in it. We had our baby shower this past weekend, and it was mostly great—just family and close friends. One of my wife's best friends from law school was there. This friend is extremely successful, makes a ton of money, and isn't shy about it. We've always had a friendly relationship, but there's sometimes this weird undercurrent of competition from her, especially directed at me. I'm a teacher, so my career is obviously very different from hers. For the shower, we had a registry with normal stuff on it—diapers, a car seat, a crib, etc. We were so grateful for everything people got us. Then it was time for my wife's friend to give her gift. Instead of just handing it over, she made a little speech about how she wanted to do something 'really special' to 'properly support' them. She then announced she had opened a custodial investment account for our baby and funded it with $5,000. Everyone was floored and there was this awkward silence before people started clapping. My gift to my wife was a custom-made rocking chair I had spent months saving for and picking out, which I'd given her in private that morning. It felt completely overshadowed. The rest of the party, her friend kept making comments about 'setting the baby up for the future' and how 'every little bit helps,' which felt directed at me and my income. My wife noticed and was a little embarrassed, but she also thinks I'm reading too much into it and should just be grateful for the incredibly generous gift. I can't shake the feeling that it was a calculated move to show me up and make herself look like the provider my wife 'really' needs. It just felt gross, not generous.
How people voted
- Totally Cooked — 33% (39 votes)
- It’s Complicated — 36% (42 votes)
- You’re Fine — 31% (36 votes)
Readers are split: “It’s Complicated” leads with 36% — 117 votes and 5 comments so far.
What people are saying
@lanetbh — My sister's mother-in-law did this at her shower, she bought the stroller, car seat, AND crib and made a huge speech about it. Some people just need to be the center of attention.
@hannahb — The friend's gift wasn't a gift, it was a dominance display.
@justnope — You never, ever talk about how much a gift costs.
@ivyish — Are you sure you're not just a little insecure about the money difference?
@quinnmaybe — So is your wife just going to ignore the fact her friend publicly disrespected you?