I thought making our group chat haiku-only for a week was a good idea.
By @benyk · Friends
Now it's been a month, my one friend has become a pretentious haiku purist, and I'm about to lose my mind trying to organize a camping trip. He's correcting everyone's syllable counts and won't answer direct questions if they aren't in 5-7-5 format.
The full story
It was a joke. We have this group chat with five of us, and one night we were all bored and someone suggested we try to only communicate in haikus for 24 hours. The first day was hilarious. Just an absolute mess of bad poetry and everyone making fun of each other's attempts. "The workday was bad / My computer is so slow / I require pizza now." It was dumb, which was the point. Like we all knew it was dumb. After the 24 hours, all of us went back to normal texting. Except for my one friend. Let's call him the Haiku Sensei. He… didn't stop. At first we all thought he was just really committing to the bit for an extra day. Funny stuff. Then a week went by. And another. He now exclusively communicates in text via haikus. If you text him a normal sentence, he will either not respond, or he'll send back a haiku about how your sentence is not a haiku. "You used nine syllables / That is simply not the form / Please try that again, friend." they says it has brought 'discipline and poetry' to his daily life. He's dead serious. Mostly it's just annoying, but now it's becoming a legitimate problem. I'm trying to plan a simple camping trip for the group for a weekend in July. Normal planning stuff: who can make it, what dates are best, who has what gear, etc. I sent out a detailed text with all the info and a Doodle poll link. His response? "The forest does call / Your message format has flaws / Speak in seventeen." I am losing my mind. I've tried to play his game. "Can you go camping / On July twenty-seven / A yes or a no." they replied with some garbage about the gear list being unclear. My other friends are now just enabling him because they think my frustration is hilarious. They've started replying to my planning texts with their own terrible haikus. I'm about to create a second group chat without him just to book a campsite, which feels like a huge betrayal. This is a monster of my own creation and it's tearing our group apart over syllables.
How people voted
- Totally Cooked — 32% (82 votes)
- It’s Complicated — 37% (93 votes)
- You’re Fine — 31% (79 votes)
Readers are split: “It’s Complicated” leads with 37% — 254 votes and 5 comments so far.
What people are saying
@brynnkindof — It's refreshing to see someone so committed to their craft.
@sortakinda — I have a feeling he doesn't actually want to go camping with you guys.
@gusliterally — Cooked.
@ivyok2 — nah this is a work of art you cant stop now
@jess — I'd make a new group chat just for planning and then send him a haiku about the trip after it's over.
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