I refused to write a letter of recommendation for the intern who got me in trouble.
By @finnlol · Work
Our old intern is applying to grad school and asked me for a letter of recommendation. I said no because she's the reason our team got a formal warning last year, and now my manager is acting like I'm being unprofessional.
The full story
I manage a small team, and last summer we had an intern who was… not the most detail-oriented. To keep it brief, she sent a client-facing report containing sensitive, unredacted internal notes that were quite candid. It created a massive headache for me and my director, and our whole team was put on a formal performance warning for three months. It was a nightmare. Fast forward to now. She's applying to a competitive master's program and had the audacity to ask me for a glowing letter of recommendation. they said I was her 'favorite manager' and that she 'learned so much' from me. I replied politely but firmly that I wasn't the right person to provide a reference. I didn't spell it out, but I thought the message was clear. Apparently not. they told my manager, who pulled me aside and said that refusing to help a former intern is 'burning a bridge' and reflects poorly on the company's culture. they said I should just write something brief and generic to 'keep the peace.' I feel like I'm taking crazy pills. I'm not going to attach my professional reputation to someone who has already demonstrated poor judgment and caused me significant professional trouble. My manager thinks I'm holding a grudge and being petty, but I feel like I'm just maintaining a basic professional standard.
How people voted
- Side A — 26% (29 votes)
- Both — 46% (52 votes)
- Side B — 28% (32 votes)
Readers say “Both” (46%) — 113 votes and 5 comments so far.
What people are saying
@quinnok — Wow, good for you for holding your ground. Your reputation is your own, and you don't owe anyone a fake endorsement. That takes guts!
@edieactually — I mean your manager is right, it does reflect poorly on the company's culture... a culture where incompetence gets you a formal warning and then a letter of rec.
@movingon — Your manager is just trying to avoid an awkward conversation. This is a management failure on their part, not yours.
@jakobok — Your manager is weak. Stand your ground.
@finnkindof — ah yes, the 'glowing recommendation for the person who professionally sabotaged me' request. classic.
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