I accidentally started an 'ugly lunch' competition at my office and now I can't stop winning.
By @lanekay · Work
My work-bestie and I started a private joke to see who could make the most disgusting-looking (but still edible) lunch to bring to the office. The joke escaped, and now the entire department is in on it, complete with a trophy I keep winning.
The full story
Our office is the classic corporate beige cubicle farm, and a few months ago, to break the monotony, my friend and I started a silly, private competition. The goal: create the most visually unappealing lunch possible. Think 90s gross-out kid food, but for adults. My first entry was what I called a 'Tuna-Grape Surprise,' which was just a normal tuna salad but with whole green grapes that made it look unsettlingly lumpy. She countered with a hot dog cut up into a bowl of yogurt. It was genuinely vile to look at. This was our dumb little secret for weeks until a coworker saw my 'Gray Day Stew' (mashed cauliflower, black beans, and diced potatoes, blended into a uniform gray sludge) and asked if I was okay. I tried to explain it was a joke, which was my fatal error. Word spread, and people thought it was hilarious. Now, it's an official-unofficial weekly contest. Someone donated a hideous plastic gnome from their garden as the 'trophy.' And I keep winning. I can't help it, I'm too competitive. I've made 'Spaghetti-O Jello mold.' I've made a 'Deconstructed Chicken Wing Salad.' My magnum opus was a lunchbox filled with nothing but items dyed blue with food coloring. The problem is, I think my boss, who isn't in on the joke, is genuinely concerned for my well-being. He pulled me aside yesterday and vaguely asked about my 'work-life balance' and 'stress levels.' I'm in too deep to stop now because I'm the reigning champ, but I’m also worried my professional reputation is about to be 'weird lunch girl.'
How people voted
- Totally Cooked — 29% (62 votes)
- It’s Complicated — 41% (90 votes)
- You’re Fine — 30% (65 votes)
Readers say “It’s Complicated” (41%) — 217 votes and 10 comments so far.
What people are saying
@sashayy — This is hilarious, please don't stop. Any office that has a sense of humor like this is a keeper!
@nora — lmaooo
@kayla — Your pathological need to win is making you act against your own professional self-interest.
@huhokay — You can't stop now. For your next entry, you have to find a way to make a salad that looks like your boss's face. It's the only way.
@kaitlyn — You don't get paid to be the office clown, you get paid to do your job.
@brynnforsure — Glad to see corporate America is thriving.
@niakindof — Oh honey this is so funny but I see the problem. Just pull the boss aside and tell him! He'll probably think it's hilarious and be relieved you aren't actually eating gray sludge.
@brynnforsure — this reminds me of when my office had a 'worst mug' competition and someone brought in a mug shaped like a toilet and our boss made them throw it away lol
@tatelol — Nah you have to double down. Make a lunch that looks exactly like your boss's face.
@niamaybe — Soft.
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