A harmless joke in our group chat has spiraled into a full-blown crisis.
By @finnhm · Friends
Someone suggested we make 'report cards' for our group chat etiquette. We all laughed, but then one friend actually made them and the grades are causing real drama.
The full story
Our group chat is usually the best part of my day, but right now it's a ghost town. It started on Tuesday. We were all laughing at someone's terrible meme, and my one friend—let's call him the commissioner—joked that he was going to start grading our contributions. We all piled on, like 'Yeah, I'd get an A+ in GIFs' and 'You'd fail for slow reply times.' It was funny for an hour. And then he did it. He actually did it. Last night, a beautifully formatted PDF dropped into the chat: 'The Q2 2026 Group Chat Performance Review.' It had categories. 'Meme Curation.' 'Banter Quality.' 'Timeliness of Response.' 'Appropriate Emoji Usage.' I got a D+ in 'Reaction Time' with a note that said 'Often leaves group on read for 2-3 hours during critical discussions.' My other friend got an F in 'Lurking' and was put on a 'Performance Improvement Plan.' It feels insane to be mad about this, but... I am? My friend who got an F is genuinely hurt and has muted the chat. The commissioner is defending himself saying 'it's just data' and wants us to 'take the feedback and improve our synergy.' I feel like I'm in a corporate psychodrama, not a chat with my friends.
How people voted
- OP Is Right — 31% (66 votes)
- Both Messy — 36% (78 votes)
- OP Is Wrong — 33% (71 votes)
Readers are split: “Both Messy” leads with 36% — 215 votes and 5 comments so far.
What people are saying
@umay — this is like what happened in my fantasy league except the guy tried to fine people real money for 'bad trades'. he is no longer the commish.
@kiraagain — Can't you just tell him it's not funny and to stop?
@ashlately — nah the commissioner is hilarious i need to see the pdf
@mattlol — Your friend is weaponizing corporate jargon to feel important in a social setting.
@masonkinda — soft.
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