We need to bring back a national standard for what constitutes a sandwich.
By @daniok · Hot Takes
The definition has gotten way too loose and it's causing chaos. I got into it with my girlfriend because she called a hot dog a sandwich, and now my friends are taking sides. It's time to settle this.
The full story
This isn't a joke. I'm dead serious. The slow, creeping erosion of culinary definitions is a threat to social order. This all started last weekend. My girlfriend and I are at a BBQ, and she turns to me and says, 'I think I'll have another sandwich.' She was holding a hot dog in a bun. I told her that's not a sandwich, it's a hot dog. It's in its own category, like a taco or a wrap. She looked at me like I had three heads. they said, 'It's a piece of meat between two pieces of bread.' First of all, a hot dog bun is ONE piece of bread, hinged on the bottom. It's a bread pocket. A sub is a sandwich, but that's because the bread is sliced horizontally, creating a distinct top and bottom. A hot dog bun is a U-shaped vessel. This argument has now spiraled into my friend group. My buddy says a burger is a sandwich. No. A burger is a burger. If you go to a restaurant, they have a 'Burgers' section and a 'Sandwiches' section on the menu for a reason. They are different entities. Another friend tried to argue that an open-faced turkey 'sandwich' is a sandwich. It's not! It's just stuff on toast. It's a toast variant. You have to be able to pick it up with two hands, one on each side, enclosing the contents. That's the core principle of sandwich-dom. My girlfriend thinks I'm being ridiculous, but this is a hill I will die on. Words have to mean things. If a hot dog is a sandwich, what's next? Is a Pop-Tart a sandwich? Is a calzone a sandwich? Where does the madness end? We need a government commission, a ruling, something to restore order. This isn't about being right; it's about preserving the foundational principles of lunch.
How people voted
- Absolutely Agree — 27% (63 votes)
- Maybe — 40% (93 votes)
- Disagree — 32% (74 votes)
Readers are split: “Maybe” leads with 40% — 230 votes and 5 comments so far.
What people are saying
@sorrynothanks — Disagree. The chaos is the best part. I once told my bf a burrito was just a sleeping bag for beans and he almost short-circuited.
@violetkinda — My family had a three-year cold war over whether chili has beans in it. It does. My uncle is wrong.
@umalately — This is a hill worth dying on. I commend your service.
@maeok — The hot dog argument is a classic misdirection from the real issues in the relationship.
@sam — This is the most important issue of our time.
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