My coworker keeps asking for my 'brutally honest' feedback and then gets offended by it.
By @danaok2 · Work
There's a guy on my team who constantly asks me to review his presentations. He always prefaces it with "don't hold back, I need the brutal truth," but then gets visibly defensive and passive-aggressive for the rest of the day if I give him any real critiques.
The full story
I work in a pretty collaborative office, and for the most part, it's great. But there's one coworker who has put me in an awkward position multiple times. He's newer to the company and seems a bit insecure about his work, which I get. About once a week, he'll send me a draft of a presentation or a report and ask me to give him my "brutally honest feedback." The first time, I took him at his word. I pointed out a few places where his data was a little thin and suggested a different structure for his slides to make the narrative clearer. They were constructive points, the kind of feedback I'd want to receive. He seemed to take it well in the moment, saying thanks and that it was helpful. But for the next two days, he was cold and barely spoke to me. He'd give one-word answers in meetings and generally just acted like I'd insulted his entire family. It's happened three times now. He asks for the "brutal truth," I give him polite, professional, and actionable feedback, and he gets weirdly offended. I'm at the point where I just want to say "looks great" and move on, but that feels disingenuous and unhelpful. It's not my job to manage his emotions, but his behavior makes my workday uncomfortable. I don't know whether to keep being honest or just lie to keep the peace.
How people voted
- On their side — 33% (44 votes)
- Both sides — 40% (54 votes)
- Other side — 27% (37 votes)
Readers are split: “Both sides” leads with 40% — 135 votes and 5 comments so far.
What people are saying
@ellieok — Next time he asks, I'd just stare at him silently for a full minute and then say 'it's perfect'.
@yeppers — Are you sure your 'constructive' feedback is actually constructive and not just nitpicky?
@finnmm — You're being a good, helpful coworker. Don't let his insecurity make you feel like you're doing something wrong.
@sagekinda — Sounds like he wants brutal honesty, but only if the honest truth is that he's a genius.
@judekk — lol
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